Chamber Readings is tomorrow! I’m rather excited about being able to perform again, although rehearsals have been very very different from what I’m used to. I can’t help but feel nostalgic for Raffles and for Players every so often, and these flashes of longing and regret have been getting more and more often which is just sad. What sort of a person are you if you’re constantly living in the past?

It’s only been two weeks of school and I’m already feeling the tiredness and frustration that I took an entire semester to be bogged down by. I’m not sure if it’s because I keep thinking of the looming event that I stupidly signed up for last year, and my mugger side is telling me to run away before I fail everything; or if it’s because I keep regretting things I’ve done or didn’t dare to do; or if it’s because I’m so pre-occupied with staying on top of all the work that’s only been trickling in.

I take ages falling asleep every night; and every morning, I wake up at about 6am, disorientated and annoyed that I’ve been jerked out of a sleep I struggled into. Waiting for this period of sleeplessness to end because no matter how tired I am before I go to bed, I just can’t seem to fall asleep; yet at the same time, I can’t do anything with the time I spend awake because I’m too tired to do anything productive.

Why why why am I already feeling so tense and caged? I need to escape somehow! I thought Chamber Readings would be a way I could release all this tension, but I need something more. I’ve all this frustration pent-up, I don’t know where this anger comes from, and I can’t go a day without feeling pissed off or annoyed with someone; it’s tiring.

Just let this period pass quickly. I want to sleep again.

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