(Radioactive has been stuck in my head for the past few days. I think it’s related to the fact that I’m slowly getting my voice back and I keep testing my voice by singing it — it’s almost as if I’m daring myself to push it so far to the edge, I become mute again.)

I’ve been thinking about how close the Lindon freshies are, and that’s really great! But I keep making these comparisons to what we were like in semester 1: meeting up every night to do nothing, movie nights every week, having practically every meal together. And I honestly miss that; I miss that feeling of family and connectedness I felt with Palenque. I’m drawn to a sense of community and camaraderie between groups — I love group friendships.

I wonder how much of our eventual dissolution is my fault. If the debacle with him didn’t happen, would we have still remained that close? Or was it fated for us to eventually fall apart?

It’s just a little upsetting because I tried to fix things. I really did.

(I’m just looking for a home.)

Advertisements