So 2013 has ended and it’s been a pretty crazy year. But no matter what had happened, it may have been one of the best years of my life these 20 years… Or at least perhaps the most fulfilling years ever. If not that, the most event-filled then.
Spent the first half the year in a terrible funk because shit happens, but you roll with the punches, y’know? But I think I’m completely over that listless, depressive state because it’s just way too tiring to be in. Although the fake-nihilist in me is still screaming her head off every few weeks or so, which leads me to my New Year’s Resolution/Realisation #1: An activity may be purposeless, but that does not detract from its meaning and it’s not an excuse to give up and not do your best in it.
Which leads me to one of the strange events of 2013 which is joining Fight G, and (finally) learning MMA. It’s a little awkward given that I’m probably one of the newest members and everyone there already knows each other — and I’m socially awkward and shy in new social situations. But I’m still glad I joined! There’s nothing like rolling around the ground with a bunch of sweaty people, and struggling to not get knocked down. And I say this is purposeless in the sense that a lot of people seem to be at Fight G to be training for competitions or going for this and that, but honestly, I’m not in it for that — or I’m not even vaguely interested. For one, MMA fights look brutal as hell and I definitely don’t want to be caught up in that!
And as silly as it sounds, I’ve been caught up in this whole rat-race thing for most of my life, it’s very hard to let go and to just be. The RJ-competitive side in me is demanding all the time for perfection and nothing less; but such competitiveness is pointless. There’s no one we need to race against; and as a very wise boy told me, our ability is all relative, and dependent on who we want to compare ourselves to. I mean, why is there a need for comparison anyway? Which brings me to New Year’s Resolution #2 (which is honestly just a rephrasing of #1): To let go, and just enjoy whatever I’m doing, with no competitive expectations.
That’s definitely going to be difficult grades-wise. But it’s so difficult to gauge yourself against others in university anyway, given that everyone is taking something completely different from you. I tell myself that all the time but #HighExpectationsRei is not letting go of her dreams of getting Dean’s List every sem, and scoring straight As for all her Arts mods (which to be fair, is so infuriatingly possible and achievable). I need to ease up on myself — too much pressure is no good! So that brings me to New Year’s Resolution #3: BE CHILL — okay lah, not much of one, but it’s more of just being less focused on doing well and more on learning properly.
So I think I sort of meandered away from my initial goal of recounting this year but no matter! T’was indeed a very eventful year: Chiangmai; Couch; Orientation & OGLing; USProductions; 6 mods (haha well); getting into Waseda and then getting barred from Waseda (weh) — so many things!
But the best moments of 2013 still come mostly from Melancholy Play. Still can’t believe we pulled off Melancholy Play (fully sold out, no less!), and that Couch Theatre is actually a thing right now — never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that we would push ahead with it, and I sincerely hope that we’ll continue this wonderful wonderful venture for a long, long time. I may not be very on the ball right now, but I promise to do whatever it takes to make Couch Theatre last, and to hopefully make some sort of impact on the Singapore theatre scene.
Anyway, at the end of the day, whatever happened in 2013 happened for a reason and it’s made me grow as a person (which is also another cliche line that you say at the end of every year).
Here’s to 2014, where the aim of the game is (as usual) to live life to the fullest, to treat others kindly, to live with no regrets and to stay happy always.