Recently, my room has been receiving a series of visits from ants — travelling either in ones or twos, never in a group of more than five. They always end up in the same spots: on my desk; on the side-table; in between pages of notes (that’s always a surprise!); going up the length of my arm (an even greater surprise!). It’s very strange because apart from a few packets of biscuits (thanks to the Muggers), and a lot of tea, I don’t really have much food in my room, nor do I eat in my room. In fact, the motherload for these ants would definitely be our living area instead because we have so many snacks there, it’s a bit insane.

But no, here are these little adventurous ants exploring the terrains of my room. And every time I discover them, I honestly can’t bear to kill them. Maybe it’s because of how tiny they look crawling around in my room, or how isolated the (usually) solitary explorer seems. So what i do is pluck them gently off wherever they are, bring them out of my room, and place them on the window ledge just beside my door.

Which according to Rui and Hsiups is not the best idea because of the (new fact of the day) chemical trail that these ants leave behind, which apparently allows them to get back to their original location. That may possibly explain why they always end up in the same place. I tested this hypothesis today by leaving my cup of green tea on my desk; every 15 – 20 minutes, there’d be an ant there, just tracing the top of the cup (which I also don’t understand because green tea isn’t sweet!). I accidentally drowned a few while trying to rescue them; and also brought one to Hsiups for her to kill because I was just so frustrated by their incessant, persistent presence!

To add to my growing delusion and attempts at anthropomorphising the ants, I also let one bite me (although I’m sure it didn’t mean it!!) on my elbow, just to see how ants look when they bite stuff. Pretty sure I wouldn’t want to see any ant through a microscope, but from far, far away with non-microscopic vision, they look pretty cute actually. I mean, apart from their constant tours of my room. I don’t know – do they want to be friends or something? While I appreciate their tenacity and insistence, I have to say, it’s starting to feel like an intrusion of my privacy — especially when one appears next to you in the morning on your pillow. C’mon, no means no.

So dear ants: I know you guys think that I have food in my room or something, but I promise that I don’t have enough that would make your presence and exploration worth it. May I refer you to the stash of biscuits and (potentially expired) CNY goodies in the living room?

And if you want to be friends, I’m really flattered and all but I don’t really see this friendship working out in the long-run. For one, my room mates are intent on killing every single ant they see; and sometimes, I forget how tiny you are, and end up squishing you when trying to transport you out of my room. So it’s not going to work out — it’s not you, it’s me.

So plz gtfo my room, thanks.