because i just don’t feel at home in mine
so i’ll slip now, into someone else’s skin

Going to Yogyakarta has made me realise how much of a misanthrope I’ve grown over this semester. No offence meant, of course I love my family, I love my friends to death — but I just hate humanity in general. Haven’t read enough to make an accurate, meaningful comparison: but humanity is a disgusting species.

Couldn’t that ignore that gnawing feeling of guilt and self-admonishment that sprung up when we went to the different temples. It’s probably thinking too much; but I mean, it takes a certain amount of callousness to turn a place once full of religious significance and spiritual power into a tourist attraction, where people just snap nice shots of for memories’ sake; nice pictures to filter for Likes on Instagram (I’m guilty of this as well).

I duno. I’m trying to slip out of this ‘I hate humans’ mood but it hasn’t been easy; and BioD hasn’t helped much with this either.

xxx

This semester has been no friend to my mind. Ironically, this is perhaps precisely because I’ve been spending too much time in my head, too much time talking to myself; staging dialogues that I’m convinced would happen in reality but hasn’t exactly, not really. Been tripping over too many wires; crossing over too many lines; finding myself in bad spots for my thoughts to be in.

Literally can’t stop policing and marshalling stray thoughts; there are too many deadlines and dead-lines to see the bigger picture: what is all this for, really?

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