So the new year (or is it: ‘New Year’?) is upon us — huzzah!
These past few weeks have mellowed me out considerably; yet as reality has gotten a lot more complicated and difficult to deal with, I’ve retreated further and further into Power Rangers-fuelled fantasy worlds in my head. I can read the signs of a renewed obsession in my behaviour, and on hindsight, it probably explains why I was always so comfortable alone in Primary and Secondary school. While there’s no harm exactly with living in the make-belief, being a space-case is probably not the best thing to be when I finally have to face up to being an adult.
That aside, in the spirit of welcoming 2015, I have one resolution this year: to stop dwelling on the past. There are a lot of decisions I wish I didn’t make; there are a lot of What Ifs? floating around in my head; there are a lot of mistakes I hold myself accountable for — and it’s been especially tough this year to get un-stuck when I get into such melancholic, pensive moods.
Cognitively, it’s easy to say live in the present but there’s something terrible about my neurocircuitry that refuses to do so. Perhaps it’s just a certain predisposition I have towards feeling this way. But this year, I’m going to make a concerted effort to ignore these thoughts, or at least enough so that they stop becoming something paralyzing. There’s too little time for any of it to be wasted on wallowing in the past! There’s no point thinking of a thousand million things I could have or should have done!
Gotta remember: there’s no day but today + there is no future, there is no past, I live this moment as my last. #renthead