So I turned 22 a few days ago, and while I certainly don’t feel like I’m 22, I know I’ve certainly grown over the past year. This year has definitely been an interesting one in self-discovery, and though I can’t exactly say I’ve learnt a lot about myself that I hadn’t known before, I think I’m finally understanding how I am as a person (if that even makes sense).
Spent much of the latter half of the year with my thoughts, and I feel myself slowly turn back into how I was in Secondary school: hopelessly caught in my insular world, extremely antagonistic towards anything remotely annoying, and terribly pessimistic to a horrifying degree. But that I’m self-reflexive enough to catch this, is hopefully a sign that I’m no longer that angry 16 year old any more (how ironic)!
A lot more healing that needs to happen, a lot more letting go and forgiving (of myself, and of other people). I can sense that my misanthropy and nihilism has exacerbated in the time that I’ve spent in my head – not necessarily a bad thing, but need to control its extent. The world sucks – but not everyone is terrible, not all strangers burn, and not everything has to end badly.