School starts tomorrow – whoopee.

It’s a strange feeling to be back in NUS, to finally feel anchored down to responsibilities and physical commitments. I’ve become so accustomed (and so comfortable) in my cloistered world that it’s going to be odd going back to a routine that requires constant interaction and human emotions – that makes me sound much more callous than I intended it to be.

There’s an almost despairing sense of emptiness tearing at me (one that emerges only when I’m willing to acknowledge it), at having to go back to normal when every part of me knows there’s more now – and I think this is best exemplified by the intense longing for a bicycle.

Of all things, I miss my bike and being on the road the most. There’s nothing more soothing than the sound of wheels on tarmac, spinning round down a quiet avenue. I miss the freedom and then feeling of one-ness when I’m on a bicycle, that nothing matters apart from gaining speed and getting to my destination. There’s just something magical about travelling on two wheels, and I desperately need that adrenaline rush again.

Perhaps I’m off-kilter, or perhaps – and this is more likely – I’ve never been on in the first place, and being away has surfaced this realisation.

Come what may : let the last year of university begin. May there be great hope again.

Edit:

Went back to gorge on previous posts – university sucks, what have I been doing with my life?

Answer: getting your spirits crushed – or is that called growing up?

Also: to everyone who feels the need to tell me that I’ve gotten fat, how about just don’t say a thing. Because it’s not a very nice thing to say, and I honestly don’t appreciate it, even if you say it jokingly. Do I call you ugly? No?, so shut your trap kthxbai.

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